Be a good loser and do not be a sore loser.

Be a good loser and do not be a sore loser.

I think this is a reflexion for all. Think about what is going on in America and around the world. Most definitely we have to learn to be a good loser and to avoid being a sore loser. I have been a soccer player my entire life ,and I always remember my coaches telling me: do your best and do not cheat during the game and if you will lose, lose with dignity, be a good loser and have the balls to congratulate your adversary. I won many times but I lost many times too. This is life sometimes I win and sometimes I lose. Think about when you lost a loved one, a relative, a wife, a husband, a girlfriend, boyfriend, any competition, a divorce, the custody of your kids, an argument, test, an exam, a simple thing and even when you are losing your health because you are getting old. You have to be strong and overcome these feelings. You have to heal from these feelings by: 1. Praise your effort, score or your hard work regardless the final outcome and point out the positive side of yourself, and emphasize the importance of treating others respectfully. 2. Be a good role model by cheering the winner and by congratulating the winner even if it was not who you were rooting for. Treat others kindly and respectfully no matter the score. 3. Understand your feelings. It is very important to identify your feelings of sadness, ANGER, disappointment, frustration and etc. Validate your feelings by talking about it with your counselor or therapist and ask your therapist how you can deal with these uncomfortable emotions. Develop healthy coping skills to deal with those feelings. 4. Learn anger management coping skills. You must Recognize that anger behaviors are not acceptable. Learn that feeling angry is okay but you have to control your anger, and do not allow the angry feelings to control you. Don’t lost your peace and control of yourself. Angry feelings are okay but hurting people or property it is not okay. Invest time in yourself to learn anger management skills everybody gets upset but the most important point is to control your feelings and do not allow that your feelings to control you. 5. Everybody has a child inside that sometimes this comes out so do not allow your inner child to win. Sometimes our behavior is childish, immature, and we feel that we are a victim. 6. Learn to ignore your temper tantrums even if you are an adult sometimes you have temper tantrums like a little kid, so it is better to be calmer and be positive. Learn coping skills to go back to your normal behavior or normal stage of life by giving yourself time to come down such as walking away, walk, breathe with intention, change the scene, pray, practice meditation or practice the best coping skill that works for you. Ask your therapist to teach you coping skills for taming your anger. 6. Practice winning gracefully, if you win in any situation or game do not humiliate your adversary. Be kind and respect the opponent. Tell the opponent “Good game” and “Thank you for playing with me.” You can apply this in any situation in your life. 7. Learn good social skills in other to establish positive and healthy relationships. 8. Learn assertive communication skills or learn to communicate assertively. When you keep your disappointment or frustration to yourself, people around you will not know that something is bothering you, and thus they will not do anything to help. Keeping things to yourself can also lead to feeling resentful. Sometimes we are upset but we don’t actually say it, or why and this can confuse people around us. Be clear and communicate what’s bothering you, and ask for what you want. Refrain from communicating aggressively.

Be a good loser and avoid being a sore loser. If you have anger issues please find the right anger management counselor to help you find the coping skills that work for you to heal from your angry feelings.

By Power of Healing Carlos Malaver Parada